There is a
movie called “The Hotel New Hampshire” which was made sometime in the 80’s
starring Beau Bridges, Jodi Foster and Rob Lowe. It was about a strange family that loved
hotels and experienced great loss. The
themes of the movie are finding joy where you can find it despite the
circumstances, that life is worth living and finally suicide is not the answer. The term “Passing the Open Windows” means
keep living, stay strong and life will get better.
Those of us
who live with rsd/crps deal with thoughts of suicide at various times in our
lives. One statistic says that approximately 20 % of those who live with
chronic pain commit suicide. It is a
topic which is discussed openly and frequently in most support groups. You will find that there is no general
consensus on the issue but a lot of understanding because at one point or
another pain becomes too big, too strong and too constant that all you want to
do is let go and rest. I discovered that
a person needs two things to hang on thru the worst of the pain. They are things my pain doctors and pain
psychologists had told me but; there are some things that you have to find out
for yourself.
The first
thing is that you have to find that one thing in life that you love unconditionally;
that one thing that you cannot see yourself living without. My is my dog, Ozzie. Ozzie lives for me. He is always by my side and when I am in
extreme pain will not leave me even if he needs to go to the bathroom or is
hungry. One person that I know says that
they unconditionally love rice pudding and that is what keeps them moving;
another said that for them it is video games.
Each person has to figure out that one thing for themselves.
The second
thing is that you have to have a purpose in a life. Something that makes you want to get up and
face the pain no matter how bad it is that day.
I have, after 13 years, finally found my purpose. I am here to help others who are in
pain. I do this through two different
avenues my blog and working for an organization called Chronic Intractable Pain
and You; http://www.cipay.org
My blog is
my opportunity to express myself; to be creative and tell others what living
with rsd/crps has been like for me. It
is an outlet for my feelings and with every tick of the view counter I know
that what I have written has touched someone.
I will admit that there are times when writing the blog becomes a burden
because it is hard for me to think of things that I think people want or need
to hear. However, I think that this issue
is resolved because I have met some incredible people who are living with
rsd/crps and are feeding me topics that they feel I should address.
The second
thing that gives my life purpose is working with a group call Chronic
Intractable Pain and You; CIPAY for short.
CIPAY was founded by a pain psychologist in Nevada who happens to suffer
from a pain disease. She wanted to build
a place where people in pain could talk with complete freedom with others in
pain, find information and resources as well as an advocate when they need to
go to the doctor or Emergency Room. I
joined the site in May of last year and was approached by the owner of the site
about joining the staff. I thought about
it and accepted the position. The position
is volunteer for the moment but I have been offered a paid position that should
come available within the next six months to a year. The work keeps my brain active and I feel a
sense of accomplishment and pride that I haven’t felt since before I was hurt.
Some people
feel that their lives are over once they develop a pain disease. They feel that it the pain is too strong for
them and has taken their life. Those are
the people that stay in the bed or the chair and don’t move for months on
end. Those people are the ones that will
eventually decide that life is not worth living. As for me; I will keep passing the open windows.
