But You Don’t Look Sick?!

I hate those words and unfortunately, I hear them quite often.  RSD/CRPS, and other chronic pain diseases like Fibromyalgia and Neuropathy, is called the invisible disease because there are few outward symptoms.  Most people think that because we are not screaming in pain or if our face is not screwed up in agony that we are not in pain.  Well, I have news for them!  People who have chronic pain diseases learn how to mask the way that they are feeling.  We develop a “poker” face that we allow few to see past.  It is one of the ways that we have learned to cope. 

When we smile or put on make-up or even dress up; people assume that everything is okay.  People tend to make comments like,”You must be feeling good today”, and even the hated “You don’t look sick”.  When we hear those comments we get angry and want to scream at them that “WE ARE SICK!   I HURT!    I AM IN PAIN, IT NEVER GOES AWAY!”  There are times when we question whether we should bother at all with this type of coping method; that we should just show those people how we really feel.  We question whether coping with the pain in this manner is a good idea and we wonder what would happen if we let these people see how we really feel.

Personally, I believe that it wouldn’t make a difference.  When people make those comments to me I tell them that I am in pain; I am always in pain and that I have learned to mask the way I feel in order to make them more comfortable in dealing with me.  I have learned that coping is better than floundering and as long as the people who count: my doctors, case manager and family, know that though I look good that I am still in intense pain then the rest of the planet can go hang! 

Everyone wears a mask of some sort.  Those of us in chronic pain have developed it into an art.  We just ask that the next time that you see us and we happen to be smiling, laughing or even looking good that you watch what you say.  Instead of saying “You must be feeling better” try “You look nice today”.  Ask us what level our pain is; using the typical scale of 0-10.  Tell us that you know we are hurting but seem to be coping well today.  Realize that the mask we are wearing today is simply that; a mask and understand that pain is something that we have learned to live with.