Edema

It has been a rough couple of days.  The pain has stayed at about an 8/9 and my feet look like pillows with stubs for toes.  Edema seems to be one of the curses of CRPS and there are days when I long to be able to wear the shoes I used to.  I went from beautiful high heels, cowboy boots and wonderful skinny flats.  Now, I wear crocs, tennis shoes 3 sizes too big and men’s bedroom shoes.  What a blow to someone who loves shoes!

I tend to swell in both arms and my ankles and feet.  My primary care doctor says that the edema in my feet has developed into lymphedema.   Stedman’s  Medical Dictionary’ describes lymphedema as  “swelling (especially in subcutaneous tissues) as a result of obstruction of lymphatic vessels or lymph nodes and the accumulation of large amounts of lymph in the affected region”.   Another name for it is elephantiasis (now THAT word deals a blow to the ego!).  The treatment is to wrap the affected areas in heavy bandages so as to disburse the fluid into the rest of the body.    This treatment is accompanied by massage and an hour with the affected area inside an air pump that forces the fluid upwards to the kidneys where it can be disbursed.  I am afraid that the massage and air pump will up my pain levels to where I cannot stand it but; if it gets the swelling down so that I can wear some of my shoes, even for one night, then it’s worth it… pain be damned!

When you have edema you end up retaining fluid and that means I really do not know what I weigh.  It also gets frustrating because I diet and diet and try to exercise but the fluid never seems to go away.  I am on diuretics but they just do not seem to help.  At one point this year the fluid went down and I discovered that I had dropped about 100 pounds then the next week came and I was up about 40 pounds.  I have three sizes of clothes; one skinny, one for when I am retaining fluid and one for when I am fat and retaining fluid.   Sometimes I dream about being thin, a size 8 or 6. But, the women in my family have always been cursed with ‘weight issues’ and now with CRPS I know that will never happen.  Weight issues relate directly to self-esteem issues.  I try not to let the weight bother me but it does.  It really does.  It is hard to eat healthy because the costs of fresh fruits and vegetables are sky high.   The pain and the edema make it difficult to exercise and I am sensitive to cold so unless the pool is at a high temperature, almost like a hot bath, then I have problems staying in the pool for any length and end up paying for it.  I know this sounds like a bunch of excuses or rationalizations but someone once said that they didn’t know of anyone who could get through a day without one juicy rationalization.  Those are mine. 

I believe that the edema related to CRPS is one of the cruelest parts of having this disease.  It knocks on all the doors; weight issues, self-esteem, financial, pain etc ….  Sometimes there is no way to fight it; you have to accept it and move on but.. oh how I miss my shoes!